I Hate Everyone: Tall Dudes At The Concert

I went to see The Decemberists a few days ago, and they're my favorite favorite favorite band right now, and I very much want to have lead singer Colin Meloy's babies, and the album they are touring on (The Crane Wife) is super-good, so I was totally stoked. This was the third time I've seen them because I'm just that much of a hardcore fan, yo.

Anyway, they were playing at The Tabernacle, which is a cool venue and doesn't have that claustrophobic fire-y death-trap feel that The Roxy or Variety Playhouse has. I wound up standing about in the middle of the floor, which really isn't that far from the stage (balcony seating is for losers!) So the opening band comes up and plays for a (mercifully) short time, then as they're setting up for The Decemberists people start pushing forward. This is standard procedure, so it's all good.

At this point, though I'm not as ear-searingly close to the stage as I'd like to be, I can see very well, mainly due to the fact that this is an all-ages show and a lot of people here haven't really got aboard The Hormone Train to Pubertyville yet, so they're all pretty short. But then, three guys start pushing through the crowd and decide to stop directly in front of me and watch the concert whilst sipping on their cans of Coors Light.

Look at us, we're a bunch of gimpy dorks! Let's stand in front of this short girl and crush beer cans on our heads!

HATRED! They're all good 6 inches taller than I am and they're totally up in my personal space. I know it's close quarters at a concert where it's standing-room only, but if you got there late then you have to live with the fact that you've got to stand behind that big control-room desk thing with all the switches and lights at the back of the room.

Don't try to shove your way all the way to the front five minutes before the damn show starts, decide you aren't going to be able to get all the way to the stage, so stop in front of me so the only parts of the concert I can see is the glimpses I get when I jump up and down and peek over your shoulders. Plus one of them had earplugs in, and though I'm all for hearing conservation, The Decemberists aren't exactly gonna rupture any eardrums while they're rocking out the mandolin and accordion. As an extra added bonus, because they were so up in my personal space, I got elbowed in the boobies and stepped on repeatedly.

So I will concentrate my powers of hateration on you three tall guys at The Decemberists concert. Curse you for preventing me from staring longingly at the suave emo visage of the future father of my children, and for bruising my chest and toes.