Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Operation: Af-Candy-Stan = Mission accomplished!!

Well, my plan to raise money for "Operation: Af-Candy-Stan" with my voodoo dolls went over about as well as an abstinence talk in the Palin household. Oooh, too soon? OK, how about it went over about as well as Sarah Palin at a Mensa meeting. But fuck it, I wasn't going to let the troops down! They needed my love in candy form! So I took all the change I'd been saving for the last few months:

Only silver coins, people. Fuck pennies. Fuck them right in the ear. Although my least favorite coin is the nickel. I don't know why.

I managed to save up a little over $53. Then my dad contributed like 5 pounds of Twizzlers and a giant-ass box of Cheez-Its in handy snack packs. I got the rest of the loot:

This is the treat motherload.

Then I had to stuff all of it in a box. Let me tell you, it took ALL of my mad Tetris skills to do this:

I also wrote a little letter to put in the box:

Oct. 28, 2008

The story of how this box of treats came to you is a little weird: I am a huge candy freak, and a few months ago I did a project where I tried a different candy every day for thirty days. Most of the candies I tried were from other countries and many of them were absolutely awful. I had one candy that tasted like refried beans. It was totally foul. Anyway, I was telling my friends about how I felt sorry for the children in the countries where bean-flavored treats were considered tasty, and I jokingly said I was going to start the "Reese's Piece Corps" to send out delicious candy to the unfortunate. One friend asked if my imaginary non-profit would consider sending candy to troops as well, and, because it was such a good idea, "Operation: Af-Candy-stan" was born.

On behalf of all the people who supported "Operation: Af-Candy-stan" I'd like to tell you that we love you all, and that we are proud of you and appreciate everything you do. We hope you come home safe and that you come home soon.

Sea Hag, 'President' of the Reese's Piece Corps

Reese's Piece Corps members:

I took the box to the post office and it was totally heavy. I'd like to thank the rotten twat who watched me struggle to open the door without dropping the box and crushing my foot, by the way. Anyway, I do have pretty wimpy girl arms (however, my pimp hand is strong) so I figured it must be about ten pounds and I was pretty proud of that. But when they weighed it I about crapped a canary when I saw how heavy it actually was:

24 pounds of candy! How awesome is that?

So on behalf of the Reese's Peace Corps, I'd like to thank all the contributors and all the people who encouraged me to do this. I think we did a rad thing and I hope we can give these troops a little happiness.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Operation: Af-Candy-Stan is ON!

I know it's been a while since I've mentioned it, but I have been collecting money for the Reese's Piece Corps' Operation: Af-Candy-Stan throughout the summer and I will be sending a big care package by mid-October! Here's what I've got so far:

I know it looks pitiful right now, but my Dad has also contributed like 3 pounds of Twizzlers and Cheez-Its. They're being stored at his house because I can't be trusted around unguarded Twizzlers.

So, how can you help? I'm glad you asked!

Do you despise Sarah Palin? Do you wish she'd take a long walk off a short Pier To Nowhere? Say "thanks, but no thanks" to the Republican vice presidential nominee with your very own Sarah Palin Voo-Doo Doll! Each of these is hand-made by your favorite Sea Hag and comes in three varieties:

The RNC look:

The red power-suit look:

And the armed-in-a-flag-bikini look:

Stick sharp, rusty objects in her eyes! Teach her about basic civics! Learn her hair styling secrets! Stand on your front porch and look at Alaska with her! Yes, the Sarah Palin Voo-Doo Doll has thousands of uses. (And if you like Sarah Palin then I can turn it into a fridge magnet and not mock you too much.)

I am asking for a minimum of $4 per doll, and 100% of the proceeds will go towards Operation: Af-Candy-Stan. With each doll I will include a small prize as well! Support the troops and join the Reese's Piece Corps!

I am hoping to collect money for some more candy, DVDs, books and shipping costs to go to the troop I adopted through AnySoldier.Com. If anyone has any ideas for other goodies to send (nothing hygiene-related or the chemicals will make the candy taste weird) please let me know. I can also make an Obama or McCain voo-doo doll for the aforementioned $4 (or more, if you're feeling generous). If you'd like to make a donation or if you'd like your very own voo-doo doll I'll send you my PayPal account stuff. I think that would be the easiest way to do it.

I will include updates and pictures so you can see exactly what your donation bought.