I don't believe you mean it

Lonely Little Sea Hag

Am I the only person in the world who hates the dry, scratchy feel of a Q-Tip? People talk about how they kinda dig having their ear canal molested by a cotton swab, going so far as to refer to it as an "ear-gasm", but to me it's one of the most cringe-inducing activities around, akin to accidentally scraping a steak knife across a dinner plate or watching "Sex And The City." Don't get me wrong, I keep my ears wax-free... but I pretty much have to sneak up on myself and catch my ears unawares after a shower in order to do this. I hope everyone appreciates this.

I also don't like touching ice with my bare hands. But I do enjoy eating fruitcake. I'm alone on these three things, aren't I?