I saw this baby and, because of the dark packaging, assumed that it was a dark chocolate version of a Mars bar. Hooray! And when was the last time I had a Mars bar, anyway? I couldn't even remember. So I bought it and was happy as a biscuit at the prospect of yumming it down.
When I opened it I saw that it wasn't dark chocolate but regular old milk chocolate. That was OK though, because the bar was actually two smaller bars, but together they were bigger than a U.S. Mars bar. Bonus candy! Yet another example of the candy superiority of Europe! Then I took a bite... and it tasted like a Milky Way bar! Where the hell were the almonds? Was it possible that I got the Mars bar confused with another candy? If so, what candy bar was I think of? How could I have possibly gotten confused? Candy's like the only thing I know about! Was this the sign of The Apocalypse? Was the end nigh? Some people claimed that there was candy to blame... but I know it was, somehow, my own damn fault. I spent the rest of my day in a rum-soaked stupor, wondering what the name of that almond candy bar was called.
I saw my dad later that day and he was eating a Mars bar in it's deceptive, evil black packaging. "Hey Dad, what was the name of that candy bar that was like a Snickers but it had almonds instead?"
He frowned around his mouthful of nougat and chocolate. "You know, I could have sworn it was a Mars bar but this one doesn't have the almonds."
"So did I!"
"I've actually been wondering all day what this one tastes like."
"It tastes like a Milky Way."
"Yeah! So what was the one with the almonds?"
"I don't know, but I'm glad I'm not going crazy."
Then we hugged and I figured that if I had just caused the end of the world I was glad to have had this bonding time with my dad. Later that day I got on the internet and did a little research. Know why I haven't had a Mars bar in a long time? They don't make them in the States anymore. It's called a Snickers with Almonds now. And you know what the call Milky Ways in Europe? Yeah. A Mars bar. Thanks a lot, you butt stains from Mars, Incorporated, you almost drove my family insane.