Tuesday, October 03, 2006

I Hate Everyone: Slow Guy in the Fast Lane

This week's scorn winner is the guy I drove behind on the way to work today. He was going 50 miles an hour. In the left lane. People were swerving like crazy to get around him. A giant tractor-trailer hauling cars passed us. A big truck full of cows passed us. I think an ice cream truck passed us too. I, of course, was directly behind him so it was quite some time before I could jump into the stream of folks desperate to get from behind him.

I'd like to point out that the speed limit on this stretch of interstate is 55 miles per hour. Of course, in Atlanta, that translates into a minimum of 70-80 mph, so already this guy was in direct violation of the rules of the road. But the worst part is that he was in the damn fast lane and wasn't even doing the speed limit. And no, it didn't seem like he was having some sort of stupid car troubles or anything, in fact, when I finally managed to pass him, I looked over so I could give him a dose of Stink Eye, and he was chatting away on his cell phone, oblivious to the fact that he was being passed by trailers full of livestock.

Needless to say, I was late for work, which made me wonder if anyone else was also delayed by this dude. I mean, maybe some guy got stuck like I did, and he was late for work. Maybe he had a mean boss, and because he was late, he got fired. So now this guy in unemployed, and he's got a pregnant wife and 2 other kids, and little Timmy has asthma really bad, and now they can't afford an inhaler for him because they don't qualify for unemployment and they don't have health insurance anymore. So they have to apply for welfare, and the guy can't stand the fact that his family is receiveing government cheese, so he starts drinking and that, of course, escalates into full-blown alcoholism. His wife eventually leaves him for a guy who sells aluminum siding, taking the kids to go live in Iowa on a soy bean farm.

...and all of this because some guy was too much of an asshole to hang up and move over a few lanes to let the faster traffic go by.

So this week, I hate the slow guy in the fast lane. If there were a contest to see who was the biggest jerk in the world, I am sure you'd tie with Hitler.

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