Monday, October 02, 2006

Sea Hag: The woman, the myth, the legend

Several of you darling readers have asked me: My dear, beautiful creature, however did such a sublime and wondrous being as yourself come to be known by such a questionable moniker as Sea Hag?

OK, I'm lying, it was more like: What the fuck is a Sea Hag? Details. Whatever.

This got me to thinking, just where did my nom de plume come from? Are there other Sea Hags in the ocean? I shall have to research this!

Sadly, it turns out that I am not, in fact, the only Sea Hag (though I am, of course, the best and prettiest one). The most well-known Sea Hag is from the Popeye cartoons and comics, where she has a thing for Popeye and thus spends her time cooking up evil ways to get him to fall in love with her or kill him outright.

Personally, I don't believe this crazy unrequited-Popeye-love for a second. I mean, she must have had some other nefarious scheme cooked up and the Popeye thing was a farce or possibly a way for her to claim insanity if she was later tried in a court of law. I mean, have you ever seen Popeye? He has ONE EYE! Hence his name! Surely this Sea Hag could have done a whole lot better than to pine for someone with severely compromised depth perception. And his arms...they're so grossly swollen that he must be taking a ton of steroids, and really, there's only one way for a guy to get such beefy forearms, and that's to constantly shake hands with 'little Popeye', if you know what I mean.

Plus Popeye had that weird emotionally abusive relationship Olive Oyl. Every episode started off with her not being able to make up her mind whether she liked Popeye or Bluto (also on 'roids, hence the aggression) more, then Popeye would beat Bluto's ass ('ROIDS! I'm telling you, fuck that spinach shit) and she'd be all over Popeye...until the next day when this whole thing was repeated. Obviously my namesake wouldn't have put up with such a total doormat, so there had to be something else going on there, I'm sure of it.

1 comment:

Deth said...

LOL