Thursday, November 09, 2006

Coffee-mate pisses me off again

You'd think I'd have learned my lesson last time I decided to try a new flavor of pussy-ass coffee creamer, but oh, how wrong you were. The good people over at Coffee-mate have some 'limited edition' creamer flavors out just in time for the holidays and I just had to have them.

They have four flavors: pumpkin spice, egg nog, gingerbread, and peppermint mocha. I decided to curb my crazy OCD impulses and just get two of them, so I got the gingerbread one and peppermint mocha. I figured pumpkin spice, egg nog and gingerbread would all be pretty similar anyways, tasting like cinnamon and nutmeg and sweet, sweet sugar, so gingerbread won out by a blind grab. Peppermint mocha got to come home with me because Starbucks makes a killer peppermint mocha for the holidays and I was hoping to find a worthy replacement for my $4-a-day peppermint mocha smack habit.

As you can see, the offending creamers have been banished to the No-Man's Land that lies behind the Gigantic Tub O' Margarine.

But lo, I partook of each of these non-dairy products, and there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth, for both of them were not the tasty bursts of yuletide goodness they had proclaimed, but an unholy alliance of sugar and my bitter disappointment.

Really, how can you mess these up? First of all, both of them required almost double the amount of creamer I normally use just to taste it, and then the taste wasn't all that spectacular. Peppermint mocha was almost completely devoid of chocolatey goodness, I'd have gotten the same taste if I'd squeezed some super-sweet toothpaste into my coffee mug. Gingerbread was even weirder because it tasted almost exactly like nothing, I had to use a ton of it to get even a faint hint of any sort of flavor, and even that little tease was totally disappointing. It tasted like cheap birthday cake frosting.

So, once again, Coffee-mate incites my rage with promises of coffee nirvana. Damn youuuuuu!...though, maybe egg nog would be good. I do love me some nogs.


Lady Jane Scarlett said...

Sea Hag, I'm so happy that you also dig Ryan Adams. "Elizabeth" breaks my heart, I have a live version, and Ryan talks about why he wrote that song. Wow.
If you can get past the whole "Beautiful" overkill, James Blunt is pretty good as well. The boy's got potential. Meow

Chelle said...

Thanks for the warning. Peppermint mocha at Starbucks is soo good I limit myself to one every few weeks. If I had seen the Coffee-mate versions, I would have been sorely tempted.

Sea Hag said...

LJS: Yeah, I've been getting into Ryan Adams' stuff a lot lately, thanks to the super-sexy Noochie. I saw him a few months ago in Atlanta and he was awesome. I really dig his soul-crushingly sad stuff like 'La Cienega' and 'Shadowlands' and 'Blue Sky Blues' over his more country-twangy stuff. I read somewhere that he wrote 'Elizabeth' about some people he knew who lost their baby. Wow, is that sad or what.

'Chelle: Word. Peppermint mochas are like crack to me. I'd knock over my own mother for one.