Chattanoooooga! Part 2

So on our second day in Chatty, Noochie, Franklin and I had more adventures:


It was crappy and rainy, so we went to the aquarium.


Franklin was attacked by giant sea horses!


Noochie was attacked by a tiny, shifty squid!


Then a shark bit off his arm! (I beat the shark off of him after I was done laughing and taking pictures).


Even though it was totally cold, we went to the Lookouts vs. Biscuits game. We had excellent seats behind home plate...


Until these drunk asshats sat in front of us. And as further proof that God loves a drunk, the girl on the right caught a foul ball about 5 minutes later.

Chattanoooooga! Part 1

I went to Chattanooga a few weeks ago with Noochie. It was fun! I took pictures and everything. Here are some from the 'art' district of Chatty.


This was some outdoor art. Actually, it was kind of a corral for metal outdoor sculptures.



This one escaped from the pen, and appears to be contemplating jumping into the Tennessee River. Don't do it ! You have so much to live for!



Scrap metal + soldering gun = art, apparently.



I call this one 'Gleaming the Azaleas'.



In Soviet Russia, art draws you!



Here is Noochie admiring what appears to be a giant bronzed paper airplane. Actually, Nooch looks frightened and confused by this sculpture.



Noochie later took out his pent-up aggression and rage against all things bronzed and art-like by punching a little sculpture girl in the head.

Sea Hag does Frolicon

Ever heard of Frolicon? Neither had I, but the Atlanta Psytrance folks were invited to play this year, and I managed to snag a free ticket because they are nice and include me in their reindeer games. Seriously, they're kick-ass people. Send them cookies.

Here's Franklin and Michael mixing up some funky beats. Rave on, Franklin! (By the way, Michael's rad braids are courtesy of Sea Hag).

Anyway, on the Frolicon web site it lists this event as an adult sci-fi convention. Hey, I'm all about geeking it out, so that sounded like fun. Plus, you know, free ticket and no little brats running around. How could I refuse?

So, we checked in with the badge people and I got my badge with no incident in the hotel lobby. Coolness. Then we approached the curtained-off entrance to the con.

Oh my.

I don't know where the 'sci-fi' part of the convention came into play (and next time I'll be sure to actually read the information on the web site and not just give it a quick peek), but it sure as hell had the 'adult' part down. Here's a partial list of things that I experienced whilst there:

1. I got my ass grabbed like 3 times.

2. I ate part of some girl's candy bra.

3. Some dude carrying a 4-foot wooden paddle around invited me up to his room for 'some of his homemade mead' (which was by far the worst pick-up line I'd ever heard).

4. I saw my cousin's mom there (she was married to my mom's brother, so that makes her my aunt by marriage, or something like that. They're divorced now, but still, she's my Aunt Yvonne).

5. Yvonne gave me some kinda crazy-strong liquor and I was pretty plastered.

6. Which was good because it desensitized me to the various people wandering around naked. I'd never seen so many nipples before in my life.

7. Also to the people who were walking around naked with whip marks and bleeding cuts on their backs.

8. Also to the room we wandered into where people were like tied up and getting beaten and whipped and shit. There were many bare red asses to be seen (and possibly grabbed).

9. Also to the story someone told me about walking into someone's room and watching someone get fisted.

10. Also the the dude dressed up like Jesus next to the dude dressed up like the Easter Bunny. Actually...that was pretty damn funny.

Here's Candy Bra Girl and her guy friend with Frankin The Traveling Gnome. Franklin had a really good time at Frolicon, as you can plainly see. Actually, Candy Bra Girl was cool and she was pretty cute. I'm glad I partook of her sugary lingerie.

Above all else, stumbling upon the whipping room was a totally weird and surreal experience. I mean, I understand the excitement behind role-playing and dressing up. I can appreciate the appeal of bondage and yielding control over to someone else (though there can be an element of humiliation I totally don't get, but that's just me). But these were people who not only got into S&M stuff and role-playing, but they liked to do it in front of other people. But then you have to figure that there are people who like to watch people being exhibitionist butt-slappers! And that by standing there watching (in other words, gawking like an idiot), I was part of the whole process! Then I thought, I wonder if there are people who are getting off on watching people watch people? My mind, she was blown.

Final verdict: I would totally go again next year, but would more than likely have to be fortified by copious amounts of alcohol. And possibly a naughty school girl outfit and a saddle.

No, I'm not dead

Things have been a little hectic for your friendly neighborhood Sea Hag lately, but now she's back with a fistful of Xanax and a heart full of dreams and unicorns and jelly beans. At the insistence of Hyperion, I am posting an older story I did a few months ago for one of his sites. Hope you like it.

Always Yes

It happens almost exactly how I imagined it.

The knock on the door late at night, I'm not expecting anyone. I am wearing my pajamas. I am making myself a cup of chamomile tea, hoping it will help me sleep but knowing full well that nothing can touch my insomnia. I open the door, and he would be there. He would tell me he loved me. Had always loved me. Everything would be all right. It was about time.

He comes to my apartment after midnight, and when I see him I feel a little light-headed, like the sheer force of my desire and imagination has somehow finally managed to call him forth as an apparition. I reach out, touch his arm. I look at his face and see not the declaration of love I had hoped to find, but the unasked question that always lies between us.

Yes, yes. Always, yes.

A desperate woman will belly-crawl through any stretch of wasteland for the smallest hint of succor, will pray for even the slightest hint of elixir on the tongue to save her from the scorching sky, the rocky earth, the hole in her existence that she has stumbled into. He came to me that night looking for sanctuary in my body, for love that he knew was always his for the taking, and he would wrap himself in both and sleep soundly.

This would be enough to sustain me for a while. Always, yes.

He’s thinner than the last time I saw him. His cheekbones are sharp, predatory, an unsettling contrast to his soft brown eyes, eyes that belong to a small, earnest child who longs to be everyone's favorite. His pants are too big for him, I tell him he looks like a hobo. He smiles, teeth still charmingly crooked. He bit me once on my left hip and I was glad I when it became a scar.

Into my bedroom now, he slips out of his clothes and sits on the edge of my bed, tracing the flowers and vines on my quilt with a finger. He waits for me to get a glass of water, to make sure the doors are locked. He knows my rituals, and there is comfort in that, for both of us.

He is gentle with me, sliding his hands underneath my hips because he knows I like it. I can't relax, this is all too surreal, his sudden appearance, the way his skin feels coarse and dry underneath my palms. I cling to him, press my face into his chest, smelling the familiar mix of Irish Spring soap, tea tree oil shampoo, deodorant and spearmint gum. I wrap my lips around him, and his come is sharp and bitter in my throat. He must be on his medication again. Milk and honey on my tongue, nothing could ever taste finer.

He is asleep now, and in the morning he will leave me. I will watch him dress; I will offer him coffee although I know he doesn't drink it. There will be an awkward kiss goodbye. But for now, he his mine and mine alone, and I watch him, admiring his muscular legs, the curve of his fuzzy ass. A penny falls out of his pocket; it's on the carpet near the dresser. When he leaves, I will tuck it inside my wallet.

Luck.

The streetlights are off now, the neighbor's alarm clock buzzes. Stops. Buzzes again. I am still awake, still watching and oh, how I will crawl through the desert every time for just a taste, a souvenir, a chance for yet another scar.

Always, yes.