Friday, August 17, 2007

Go Sea Hag, it's your birthday!

Yes, people... it's my birthday. And you, too, should party like it's my birthday.

I'm the big 2-9 this year, which means that I have exactly ONE year to pull all the stupid shit that you just can't get away with in your 30s. Yes, I know your 30s are the new 20s (whatever the fuck that means) but have you ever seen a 36-year-old woman coming out of Forever 21 in the mall wearing a tight little tank top that is short enough to see her navel piercing? And didn't you just roll your eyes a little? Now do you know what I mean?

Anyway, this is the year to get another tattoo and another piercing. This is the year I blow a lot of money on shit I don't need and not give a damn about my credit score. This is the year to take a bunch of stupid road trips for no other reason than to see the World's Biggest Paper Bag. This is the year I paint my fingernails black all the time and possibly dye my hair a stupid color. This is the year to drink too much and eat lots of candy and not get enough sleep. This is the last year I will wonder if I should just quit my job and go backpacking around Europe to 'find myself'. This is the year that I blow off work as much as possible to go to concerts, because Flying Spaghetti Monster knows that next year I will probably worry about damaging my hearing. Next year I will probably become one of those tools who wears earplugs to a show.

I know some of you who are older than I am are already having a good chuckle about my impending sense of doom about my 30s, but let me just say this: I have become one of those people who always has a pullover or jacket in my car just in case it gets chilly. Even at the height of a Georgia summer when it's 104 degrees outside, I have a hoodie in my car because I get cold in movie theaters and restaurants sometimes. I have become my great-grandmother and I'm still in my 20s.

I need some beer.


Dragon said...

Yes, I am laughing at you. Hope you had a great day, little one.

Anonymous said...

I'm not laughing at you... dye your hair pink while you still can!

I turned 33 last week. I'm not saying I'm old and my life is over... but I surely have reached the ae where I cannot pull off the goth look that I would so dearly love to be able to embrace.

Not gonna do it, though... nothing sadder than an adult trying to get all "hip with the kids"

Lady Jane Scarlett said...

I hope you had a great birthday! I'm turning 32 this year, and I can't wait {sarcasm} for my admission ticket to Talbots and Anne Taylor.