Friday, October 05, 2007

Things I'm Embarrassed To Like: VH1 Reality Shows

A few nights ago I caught the final episode of the 'Rock Of Love' reality show with Bret Michaels (of Poison) settling on mellow Jes over party-girl Heather. It wasn't a bad show, really, I watched the last half of the series and was reasonably entertained, but in comparison to the other VH1 reality shows 'Flavor or Love' and 'I Love New York', it was pretty weak.

I think most of the reason why it wasn't as good as the other ones was because Bret Michaels isn't a total character like Flavor Flav or New York (a.k.a. Tiffany Pollard). Back in the day I'm sure that Bret could've made for some totally wild-ass partying drama, but now he's a diabetic semi-washed-up rocker and, based on his choosing the much-quieter Jes over Stripper Barbie Heather, I'm guessing he knows his partying days are behind him and he wants someone who isn't going to need to bailed out of jail for indecent exposure and public drunkenness. Don't get me wrong, I actually thought Heather would have been a good choice for him because she... well... has a few miles on her, to put it mildly, and she had his named tattooed on her neck, but Jes has awesome Jem and the Holograms hair which would have made her my top choice too. Bret did seem like a cool cat, except he had the habit of mentioning that he wrote 'Every Rose Has Its Thorn' like every single episode. It is a great song, possibly the best rock ballad to come out of the 80's, but dude, get over it, it was like 20 years ago. Live in the now! Plus, watching people who are cool and laid-back trying to date other people who are cool and laid-back is pretty boring after a while. I can watch the same kind of drama amongst my co-workers and there's not nearly as many commercials involved.

See what I mean? How could Jes not be picked, she is truly truly truly outrageous!

Now 'Flavor of Love', that's where it's at. Flavor Flav may be pushing 50 and so partied out that he looks like a leathery stick of beef jerky with gold teeth, but damn it if he isn't fun to watch. I mean, he wears a viking helmet and punctuates his serious discussions with "word" (which has since made into the Sea Hag lexicon). He has a giant metal dinosaur on his front lawn that wears a clock around its neck. It's a hot mess; what's not to like? I also think they did a better job of casting Flav's shows (and the 'I Love New York' spinoffs) with people who could generate controversy and drama without making it seem as staged as I'm sure it really is. I mean, both 'Flavor Of Love' shows had New York in them, and she was so infamous that they gave her two shows of her own. She was emotional and a total bitch, cunning and manipulative, but I have to respect someone who knows she's a complete hose beast and refuses to change for anyone. The only real 'troublemaker' in 'Rock Of Love' was Lacey, and she was a bitch too, but she just came off as a psychotic tattletale and lacked the fine scoundrel's heart New York has.

Fortunately for me the next season of 'I Love New York 2' starts Monday and it will be a radical empire to all which is radical. I am going to attempt to do an ongoing blog entry after each episode but we'll see how that goes.

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