It is now less than two months until my 30th birthday, and I'm bummed as hell. I don't want to be 30. I don't want any more people to tell me that 30 isn't that bad. I swear to Flying Spaghetti Monster that I noticed a wrinkle today on the side of my mouth. To make it worse it was only on the left side of my mouth so not only am I quickly on my way to looking like the Crypt Keeper I am doing so asymmetrically. Super.
So, as the sun sets on my 20s, it occurs to me that my time to do incredibly stupid things with no social repercussions is soon coming to an end. With that in mind, I plan on spending the last 57 days doing whatever fun and immature things I want. To kick it all off, I decided I'm going to observe Candy Ramadan.
I got the idea of Candy Ramadan from a Candy Addict article about the pitiful dearth of mid-year candy-related holidays. It's like actual Ramadan, only, you know, the total opposite. I originally wanted to eat nothing but candy from sunup to sundown, but all-night vomiting and eventually getting rickets is just not what Candy Ramadan is all about. So here are the rules I came up with for Candy Ramadan:
1. Candy must be eaten every day for thirty days.
2. A different kind of candy must be eaten each day.
3. If candy is consumed with another food item (such as cake, ice cream, etc.) the candy must constitute at least 50% of the dish to be counted as the daily candy.
4. Breath mints, gums, or any other item approved by the American Dental Association are not candy. Also, anything that is "nature's candy" is not actual candy but fruit in disguise (your parents lied to you).
5. Keep track of which candy is eaten every day and post it here.
Really, does anything say immaturity better telling the Food Pyramid to go fuck itself? Tomorrow the fun begins!
By the way... don't do a Google image search of the word 'candy' at work. Trust me.