Monday, July 07, 2008

Candy Ramadan: Day 18

Dear Flyer Chocolate Company,

Today I sampled your oddly-named Flyer Gold Plane No. 1 that I bought from the Alon's gourmet store in the Virginia Highlands. To buy this candy bar I was assaulted by a diminutive Vietnamese man with a grocery basket full of bran muffins and a tub of hummus. I bruise very easily so I hope you appreciate what I went through to purchase your product.

I was intrigued by your claim on the back of the wrapper that this candy would take me on a "Chocolate Odyssey"TM to "The Best Candy Bar In The World" TM. Plus, you know, how can you screw up something as awesome as the combination of dark Swiss chocolate, American caramel and pecans?

So imagine my great disappointment when I unwrapped my candy and found that the chocolate was covered in a white film! Being the Food Network slut I am, I knew that my candy had suffered from 'blooming'. Here's what Wikipedia says about that:

Various types of "blooming" effects can occur if chocolate is stored or served improperly. If refrigerated or frozen without containment, chocolate can absorb enough moisture to cause a whitish discoloration, the result of fat or sugar crystals rising to the surface.

Even though it's safe to eat, it tastes weird. Kinda like when you mix peanut butter and jelly together before you slap it on some bread. It's just not the same although it technically is. The first bite was pretty crumbly, which is amazing because on your web site you talk about how wonderfully creamy and gooey the caramel is. The pecans were pretty bitter, too.

Look, if you're going to have the stones to not only claim to be the best candy in the world but to actually trademark that phrase, you have to learn how to temper and store chocolate and not use shitty-ass pecans and caramel. I had a Twix bar today that had better quality ingredients than your product, and I didn't get abused by some Asian dude with overpriced dip and a raging need for more fiber in his diet to get it, either.

So, in short, please cram your candy up your ass.

Sea Hag


bonnjill said...

I bought a bag of Dove Easter eggs that had bloomed. I figured the store I bought them from must have stored them improperly. I tried to eat one, and it crumbled in my mouth and was inedible. I called M&M/Mars to complain, and they told me to throw the bag out and sent me a bunch of coupons for free candy. Eating bloomed candy is never a good idea.

Love your blog and your take on all the different candies.

Sea Hag said...

Hello there! Thanks for the comment. I didn't think to ask for replacement candy... I might try that! Only send them a nicer letter probably, I don't want the candy that they spit on.