Candy Detox: Day 1

My first day in Candy Rehab started with Ruth's HempPower Chocolate Raspberry Bar. I was hoping that, because I bought this in a co-op in Little 5 Points where all the hobos pee in the parking lot and not at a health food conglomerate like Whole Foods I'd have actually bought a, you know, "magic" hemp bar that would help me get through the first couple days of Candy DTs, but no such luck. My big clue should have been big kosher-approved seal on the front.

I opened the package and the bar smelled like the inside of a Pier 1. Like all potpourri and wicker chairs and sari fabric. And the taste? Well... I think it tasted like a pine cone. And not even a pine cone that tasted like raspberries or chocolate! I don't know what Ruth was smoking, possibly she was hoarding all the THC she sucked out of my hemp bar, but this hot mess didn't even remotely taste like anything but broom straw. Speaking of which! Right before I went to bed, I had some amazing intestinal distress that was finally quelled by an entire bottle of Pepto. I place the blame squarely on Ruth and her abomination!